your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
