She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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