there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
