These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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