I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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