I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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