shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
