Kiss
Puke
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
