I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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