Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
