i may or may not be watching the land before time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
