....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize