one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
