I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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