I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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