This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
