so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
