im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize