My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We named our party play list daddy issues
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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