where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
