I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I party with great urgency now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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