Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
