We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
