Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
