I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
