She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
