If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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