he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come on in and take your pants off
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