Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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