This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
