i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We talked him into tasing himself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
