Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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