the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
