she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
