Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
cat food counts as protein by the way
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
