I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
