god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
