this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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