i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
