Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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