no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
