last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
