Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
