I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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