Well douche your snatch and let's go!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize