last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
