apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
