I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
