Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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