after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
