So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
