birth control should be required to get into college
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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