remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
