3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm always down for nudity.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
