Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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