I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
