your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
