On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
