we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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