it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize