The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
