and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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