I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
