he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
