i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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