i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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