I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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